Common Myths About Single Moms – Really?

Free-Spirited, Classy Woman Seeks a Mature, Wealthy Gentleman

Single, 42- year-old well-educated, intelligent woman, seeks an older gentleman for a casual or long-term arrangement. I am an avid runner, healthy, active and fit.  Natural with no pretense, I lead a peaceful, simple, happy life. My friends would call me free-spirited, caring, emotionally stable, and laid back. I’m a great conversationalist and I make an excellent companion, providing both an emotional and physical connection with no drama, no games, no baggage and no strings. Prefer older men who are successful, adventurous and active. I enjoy fining dining, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, dive bars, sporting events, cultural affairs, adventurous, outdoor activities, and anything out of the ordinary. In other words, I’m open-minded, I live life to the fullest, and I like to have pure fun!

Okay, I know what you must be thinking.  Don’t stop reading in case you’re inclined to judge this blog as yet another sensational tale about a single woman’s sexcapades, online dating nightmares, dysfunctional childhood, alcoholism, drug addiction, ex-husband horrors, etc. Not true.

My name is Magnolia Golden (Mags for short) and I am a forty-something, single, divorced mother. To be honest, my life isn’t that interesting. It’s not filled with wealth, status, privilege, grand achievements, or distinguished academic credentials. I didn’t even have a horrible childhood. I’m just a single mom who has experienced a series of hard-to-believe, down-on-her-luck, I-can’t-make-this-shit up events in my life, including the interesting story behind my opening lines.

Let’s face it: Single mothers are marginalized in American culture. We’re vilified, pitied, judged, shamed and stereotyped. People tend to think that we’re barely scraping by; we neglect our kids, who then grow up to be damaged and troubled; we’re obsessed with dating and finding a husband to marry us (or we have ex-convict boyfriends); we’re emotionally unstable; and, my favorite, we’re party animals, like the sex-crazed, hard-drinking single mom portrayed in the popular movie, “Bad Moms”.

Really? I don’t think so. The single mothers I know, including myself, are extremely hard-working. We have a job, maybe even two or three to support our kids (because, let’s face it, child support is woefully inadequate). We make great employees since we can’t afford to lose our jobs, and, most importantly, we’re solely focused on the well-being of our kids, who are thriving, thank you very much.

Since we don’t have husbands, all our time and resources go to our children and to our jobs. Our idea of having fun is typically enjoying a night alone, reading or binge-watching Netflix and eating our favorite snack without the constant clamor for attention from our kiddos.

Not to mention single moms are resourceful, strong, brave, kind, caring, tender souls. We’ve experienced hardship in our lives and, as a result, we’re empathetic and compassionate toward others in similar shoes, and tolerant of those who are different since we’ve been judged so harshly ourselves.

I truly know what it’s like to be a single mother – I’ve lived through every single step of the sometimes stressful, sometimes joyous journey. If you are a single mother, please know that I am you – I’m not an opportunistic, self-help guru trying to sell books, hashing out useless information that I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’ve never experienced it myself. Nor am I here to lecture you, give you advice or tell you how to live your life. No way! I’m just a regular, average person living day by day just like everyone else, except that I have several unique experiences that I believe are shared, at least in part, by single mothers everywhere. I can tell you what’s worked for me and what hasn’t, but, for goodness sakes, I’m not here to tell you what you should do to guarantee happiness and fulfillment in your busy lives. You already are successful and strong women.

So what is my point? First and foremost, I’d like to try to dispel the myths surrounding single mothers – that we’re unemployed relying on the kindness of our ex-husbands to pay sufficient child support to pay all of our bills; we’re preoccupied with landing a husband, preferably a wealthy one who will take care of all of our needs; that we have a string of boyfriends roaming in and out of our home; we drink like fish and party the night away while our kids suffer from our neglect. You get my point.

Equally as important, I’m here to tell single moms that, “Hey, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, done that, and I know how it feels.”  For me, hearing other women talk about the parts of their lives that I can deeply relate to provide me with a sense of validation, comfort and empowerment. I feel less isolated living with my issues and more encouraged to do something to address them, like “if she’s pulled out of this situation then so can I!” My wish is that you will feel the healing power of the shared experience after reading my tales as a single mom.

Finally, my goal with this blog is to give a voice to the nearly 13 million single mothers in the United States today. My  hope is that my blog will serve as a “call to action” to single mothers, encouraging them to speak their truth, to reject the notion that getting married again is the fairy tale ending in life, and to envision themselves as successful, strong women.

In the midst of the Trump presidency, women are reemerging as activists (the Me Too movement is a good example). It’s time to create a forum for single mothers to tell their stories. My intention in writing “Sex and the Single Mom” is to generate such a discussion.

So, yes, you might be thinking, my blog is my own story of single motherhood. It’s one of personal transformation, courage, victory, and hope. Since my divorce 10 years ago, I’ve experienced a sequence of calamities in my life – serious illness; an alcoholic, emotionally abusive ex-husband; four years with a philandering, hot-headed, lawyer ex-boyfriend, who broke my heart; shocking sexual harassment; and, nearly a year of unemployment during which time I desperately searched for another job (certainly one of the most terrifying ordeals of my life).

Through sheer determination and hard work, my life started to get better – I finally found my dream job and a professional career, I started seeing a wonderful therapist who not only taught me how to effectively parent my adolescent daughter with whom I share an amazing mother-daughter relationship, but she also showed me how to love myself and how to feel happiness from within. I also developed an understanding of men’s emotional needs, I reconnected with my mom and developed a tight bond with her, I discovered a clever way to make a lucrative, secondary source of income, and, I finally gained the fortitude to write this blog, an idea I’ve had since I began this journey ten years ago. Still a single mom, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. Overcoming adversity gave me a newfound sense of confidence, assertiveness, and resiliency. More importantly, I learned that single motherhood is not a curse, but an advantage in life. Take what you like about the blog posts you’re about to read and leave the rest, but please know this narrative is an acknowledgement and celebration of all you single ladies. Relax, laugh, and enjoy!